Sunday, March 30, 2008

Fatness, Further

The wonderful thing about writing a blog is that the gratification is instant and complete. If I care to rant like a moron, I can and immediately let it all loose to hang like the saggy underarm of a Midwestern tourist trying in vain to hail a cab in Midtown in the rain on Christmas Eve.

I wrote a column, or rather, a rant, on how I felt about Fat People. I am writing this to retract my view that fat is bad. It's not so. Fat is highly necessary for the healthy functioning of the human body. Fat in high-quality beef makes the difference between Prime and Choice cuts and a huge difference in flavour. Without a certain amount of well-placed fat, we would not ogle Mariah Carey or most of the booty-grinding hip-hop "dancers" on MTV, thus creating a huge cultural deficit. Fat creates opportunity for plastic surgeons all over the world where otherwise they would likely be relegated to servicing the occasional burn victim or third-world cleft palate. And, without fat, how amusing would Jerry Springer's show actually be? I will say here and now - not very.

But I will confirm that I don't have to look at it, now, do I? So, the Fat Fashion Faux Pas section of my piece on the subject stands. Be as fat as you want, just don't force me to see, it, please. And, no, I won't be more accepting of the Round Crowd. I just won't make it my problem if you won't. No more common-sense advice to help you Fatties have better health and more sex-appeal. No more citations of human physiology texts accepted as the basis of that science. No more jeers at the expense of your fat-laden aortae. I'm going to cease and desist. Instead, as a public service, I bring you these links for enlightenment as to the glories of Fattitude:

So, grab a snack, some brewskis and sidle up to the ol' monitor for some interesting reading. You're welcome.