Monday, May 26, 2008

Temple of BOOM!

My last post was almost two weeks ago. I did not die, but I almost wish I had. I did not get sick, but what happened is sickening. I lost everything and won everything all the same time. In the end, I gained some wisdom that will serve me in future fairness to myself and myself alone.

Here's what happened:

On May 13th, I asked the county court to grant a TRO against my wife. She got pitched out of the house for ten days. My daughter was not too thrilled about it. I learned again the power of friendship and of making an irrevocable decision and the reality of my own limitations.

May 15th proved to me that my brother was my enemy, though I did nothing, not ever, to hurt him directly or indirectly except that I was born. That wasn't my fault, either. That same day, I discovered for myself what the limit of my terms of settlement would be and that silence was my friend.

May 17th showed me that my lawyer believed me and in me and would help me acheive my goal of being fair and reasonable because, as he said, "there's no reason why you shouldn't be fair and reasonable to your self first. And you can win this thing, I feel it in my gut."

May 18th demonstrated that my daughter would always be just that and nothing could change that fact as she knew and knows the depth and breadth of my love for her as my child and as my beacon. All it took was dinner for two.

May 19th revealed that even the most benign birthday wishes for my brother were to be rejected, though indirectly and thus, dishonestly.

May 20th displayed my poor father's total disconnection from Planet Earth. I must write him a letter, he says, explaining everything.

May 21st tested my fortitude and ability to remain cool under pressure.

May 22nd resounded with the success borne of pure discipline and the refusal to crack, to simply wait and hold on tight. The settlement was of my making, largely, in all the important points, and reinforced that what I learned in school was not for naught and that what I learned in life was worth the price I paid for the knowledge.

Most of all, I learned that the woman I have loved, or thought I loved, since the love I have for a special lady now is transcendant and she of me, had plotted and planned for most of the marriage to get to this point. I don't care that she's a bad person, not worthy of trust. It does matter that my knowledge of this is irrefutably confirmed, so that I know where I stand and so I keep that ground and fight my fight.

Oh, yes, I will lose to some degree, but I will lose on my own terms and that's significant. And when I win, I will win big, because there is no way for my opponent to get all of the elements she wants or needs now. It's a game of attrition and discipline, skills I've learned through the mortally painful shaping scars inflicted by my would-be assassin and that, my friends, is the greatest victory of all.