Monday, July 21, 2008

Hit and Run

A funny thing happened to me on the way to reality. I encountered a person, a very special person, who I somehow managed to drive totally insane. I'm not sure how I did it of whether I could do it again, or that if I knew how, I would because even in my worst moments, it's not in my nature to inflict real damage. All I want to do is to be heard.

Instead of this, some folks with, I guess, exceedingly low esteem, can manage to construct a thesis of wrongdoing and then, ascribe it to another. My personal experience with this is not limited to one person, therefore, I think I have some pheremonic attractant to these crazy f*ckers.

What gets me is the style of attack. Not only are unsubstantiated accusations hurled, but the hurler runs away and hides, sheltering him or herself from the F*CKING TRUTH. Therefore, said person must have an agenda, must have had one and will continue to have one.

I believe that if one is prepared to accuse and purport a fact that one should provide proof, not a Sherlock-Holmesian conclusion based on shoddy detective work and presumptions drawn from a guess. What ever happened to standing by the conviction when bolstered with facts? It's how 98% of all criminals in the US wind up behind bars, so, heck, there must be something to it.

Unless . . . the misguided or lying accuser intends to hurt, damage, defamed and defrock. Ah! Why would they want to do that? Why should that be my problem? The damage is done. By attacking my person verbally, the libeler takes away my reputation and affects my interests, my work, my family. It's a very direct assault on who I am and without actual, provable facts, I say, believe what you want but don't repeat it - not to me, not to anyone, because when you do, it's a cause of action.

Sticks and stones . . . yes, words like "mindless faggot" and "I had come to question also, why you just couldn't remain hard when intimate. Now I has nothing to do with meds, or being tired, or thinking too much on it." Well, here it is, for all to see. Is this really true? Is the truth I trusted with you, is it safe? No, it's not. Not when you share my secret fears and issues where such secrecy was part of our part. Just because you don't like me because of your own issues doesn't mean that you no longer have to behave responsibly or respectfully. In fact, an upstanding person would not point out what's been explained - by me, by two doctors, by tons of literature which you obviously deftly ignore - over and over again and obviously IS NO LONGER RELEVANT.

And further, to suggest that I use the person I love, or, in this case, loved, as a vehicle to "marry the woman and take part of the house when you go" is incredibly insulting, vain and rude. You know full well that if it wasn't for my father, brother and mother and me, that house would NEVER have been bought. It's proved, recorded, documented and yet, you persist and therefore, you lie. That house is my house and I have to give it away or spend my daughter's college money trying to keep it. That's my choice. It's not your choice and you have no concept of what impact it has on me because you come from a culture of failure.

You say you're sick to your very being, implying that it's my fault, though you've elected yourself judge and jury. Yes, you're sick, but those are your conclusions to draw. You have avoided listening and accepting the layers of FACTS I've delivered as constituting a whole truth and you've yet to point to one accusation that you can support with an actual, honest-to-god fact.

And this is the sort of thing that an honest person needs to stay away from - those who know little and presume to know it all and those who know nothing. In the end, all the good will in the world will not make a child want chocolate when what they really want is strawberry. Believe what you want - that I'm a secret agent, that I'm a writer torturing you so that I can have character development for my new book, that I troll Craigslist for women to victimize, that I'm a child molester and a dog-killer. Believe it, but don't repeat it, not to me, not to anyone, not now, not ever, because my reputation is all I have left at this point and if you start in on that, well, what else do I have to lose? Think you can take advantage of my weakness? You might try, but you might be surprised at the reaction. You've miscalculated and assumed all along. Time now is to stop.

You can make me angry by lying about me. You can't kill me by doing so, though. You should have taken the time and had the courtesy to not play the games of an 11 year old and instead, talked to me like a real person. Shame on you, for shame.