Tuesday, October 2, 2007

And The Winner Is . . .

I want to talk about a lot of things with you. I know you're tough, but I know you're honest, so, I think I'm going to chance it. Pat me on the back for not being a wuss. Is that how you spell that?

These are things that come to mind:
I have to get rid of all my shit. It's about time. Everything on eBay for a buck, I'm thinking.

You sure you wouldn't feel imposed upon? Having lived singly? Could we split costs? How do we do that unemotionally and smartly? What if I become unemployed again? Or if either of us gets sick? How can we love each other for a lifetime? I don't want to start over at 52 or 62. What if I go insane? What if you go insane? My doctor wants me to come into the office to talk about my penis. I asked him for Cialis. I was so embarrassed. Can I satisfy you and keep you happy physically? How will you deal with my numerous introspective moods? My dreamy distances? How about when I space out completely? What if I want to drive to Vermont and you want to sun-bathe nude in Delaware? What if I miss you too much? What if I'm jealous over your man friends or you over my lady friends? Can you deal with me manically cleaning or lying around like an old dog, or writing for hours and totally ignoring you? Can I deal with being an equal and not being the boss? How about my forgetfulness - will you take that as not caring? What if I become annoying? What if I drink? What if I say things I don't really mean? What if I'm sure I'm right when you're sure I'm wrong? Can you really forgive me, or will you give up? Will you give up, regardless? Will I give up? What if you cheat on me or I on you? What if my kid lives with me, nasty teenager that she might be? What if I'm at work and she's at home, at our home - how will that be? What's your role? Should you have a role? Do you want to be married? What if you don't? Why don't you? Is it because I'm a two-time loser? What did happen in those relationships anyway, what did really happen? Am I delusional, marginally so, or is it you? What if everything means nothing and nothing is everything?

Hmm. I'll need specific answers to all of these questions before we can go any further in this relationship. By the way, can I move in tomorrow?



There - I said it before you did. Damn you.