I'm haunted every hour or every day about the paths taken out of expediency and fear when holding tight would have been the better option. I've had success when avoiding convention and have failed miserably when doing the right thing - for others. In retrospect, it would seem that as selfish as it might be, making the right, gut choice for myself would benefit those who had the misfortune, or good fortune, depending on the point of view, of contact with my admittedly pedestrian sphere of influence.
I'm not all that, but still, there have been those who believed otherwise and, I must admit, that their collective faith in me over time was scary and so, I backed away. Art, love, business, family - my modus operandi has become clear to me through my own retelling and wholesale forgetting of history.
Before the reader decides this is yet another "chew me up and spit in my face" post, be assured it's not. I'm getting to a point. Or two.
Since I'm insufferably frustrating, it would follow that I'm fairly well hated. If I stop to bear the consequences of playing the politics of the individual, time will again be lost and because it's so unnatural for me, I will fail - pure and simple. So, no can do.
I feel the tick-tock of my biological clock more than ever before, so much so that I feel that I must make decisions that will hurt in the short-term but that will get me to the goals I should be pursuing, that is, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Gotta love those founding fathers. Though I'm not ready, there isn't enough time left for me to be ready. There just isn't. I am compelled to make whatever time is left count for something.
Therefore, I am making a public commitment to the following goals and since I delete nothing from this blog, may this stand as a testament to my discard of cowardice: